Dear Elder,
I loved your last
letter! In it you asked me two questions
that I want to answer, and then I will answer the rest of your letter tomorrow.
The questions were, "How did you gain your testimony of
the gospel?" and "How has it grown to what it is today?" It is very important to me that you know some
of the many experiences I have had that give me the firm assurance that
Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ live, that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day
Saints is the restored gospel of Jesus Christ on the earth today, that the Book
of Mormon is the word of God, that Joseph Smith was a true prophet, and that
President Thomas S. Monson is our prophet today.
First, Matt, I have always had a deep desire to do what is
right. I never doubted that Heavenly
Father and Jesus live and that I wanted to please them. My parents and siblings, especially my big
brother, were good examples to me of choosing the right, and I wanted to be
like them. I found very quickly that I wasn't very good at choosing the right,
but I cheerfully forged ahead, being naughty at times, but trying for the most
part to be good.
When I was a very
little girl, I sat in Primary and sang songs that filled me with the Holy Ghost
and firmly cemented the desire to do what is right deep into my heart. Two of the songs we sang were particularly
moving to me. One was "Dare to do Right," and the Other was
"Stand for the Right."
Dare to do right.
Dare to be true.
You have a work that no other can do!
Do it so bravely, so kindly, so well,
Angels will hasten the story to tell."
I didn’t know much about the Holy Ghost, but the music and
words stirred my heart. It’s hard to explain,
but they filled me with longing and I knew that the words of the song were
true. I knew when I sang it that I did
have a work that no other could do, and that I must always dare to be true to
what is right, kindly, bravely, no matter what.
The beautiful music and words of "Stand for the Right" had a
similar effect on me and filled me with the determination to follow God’s prophet
and stand for the right.
Our prophet has some words for you,
And these are the words: Be true, be true!
At work or at play, in darkness or light,
Be true, be true,
And stand for the right.
As I type the words to these songs here, I imagine them with
the music, and my mind goes back to those days and I can still feel that longing,
a longing to be with God, and a determination to always be true to Him.
When I was fourteen, I began taking seminary, of course. That first year, we studied the Book of
Mormon. I will never forget the feeling
I had as we studied Lehi's vision of the tree of life, Matt. I felt very strongly the desire to reach that
tree and partake of it's fruit. I knew that if I held fast to the iron rod
which represented the word of God, I would be able to stay true, gain eternal
life, and have a fullness of joy. I
reasoned that reading the scriptures daily was a very small and simple
commandment and that even I could do that.
I determined then to study the scriptures daily, especially the Book of
Mormon. That determination has made all
the difference in my life.
I read the Book of Mormon faithfully after that, and although
I can't say I never missed a day, I hardly ever did. Since then I estimate that I have read the
Book of Mormon more than 30 times, at least once a year since the age of
fourteen.
As you know, Matt, at the end of the Book of Mormon, In
Moroni chapter 10, verses 4 and 5, Moroni makes a promise to whoever reads the
Book of Mormon.
"And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort
you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these
things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real
intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by
the power of the Holy Ghost. And by the
power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things."--Moroni 10:4-5
I didn't have much understanding or experience with the Holy
Ghost, or so I thought. I wish I could
go back in time and remind my younger self of the experiences I have related to
you so far, Matt, and say to the younger me, "That was the Holy Ghost! You have felt the Spirit of the
Lord!"
Because of my supposed inexperience with the Holy Ghost, Moroni's
promise caused me a bit of consternation, and I would almost dread arriving at the
end of the Book of Mormon, knowing I would need to obey Moroni’s exhortation to
ask of God. Still, I trusted in the
Lord's promises, and always got on my knees to pray for a special witness when
I got to that point. I remember crying
at times when that witness didn't come, I also remember at other times assuring
the Lord in prayer that I would wait upon Him and His timing. I must have read the Book of Mormon at least
5 times without receiving the witness I sought. This didn't stop me from
reading, Matt, because, even at that time, I believed and was sure that the
Book of Mormon contained the words of Christ, the Son of the Living God, and I
felt the truthfulness of its words every time I read. Still, I hoped that some day I would receive
further witness that it was true.
When I was about 21 years old, One-year-old Cassandra and I
were living at Grandpa and Grandma's house because Dad was in basic training
for the US Army. One day, I finished
reading the Book of Mormon again. It was
a fast Sunday, Matt, and after church, while I was still fasting, and had been for
nearly 24 hours, I left Cassandra with her aunts and uncles and went in to my
room alone to finish the book and to pray.
As I knelt in prayer and fervently asked my Heavenly Father the
question, "Is the Book of Mormon true?" I was overcome with the Holy
Ghost. It flooded me with an
overwhelming feeling of joy that lifted me.
That's the best way I can describe it, Matt, I was lifted with joy, and
my heart sang with the words, "Yes, It is true!" I have felt joy since, but never like that,
and I knew what it was to taste of the fruit that is sweet above all that is
sweet and pure above all that is pure, and I knew that the Book of Mormon is
true. Heavenly Father took a long time
to answer my prayers, but He sent me a witness when I needed it most—when I was
only just embarking on my life’s mission which is to be a mother in Zion and
raise an eternal family.
Matt, after I received a sure witness, and even before that,
the Book of Mormon strengthened my testimony of Jesus Christ, and I know
without a doubt that it is a testament of Him.
As you may know, over half of its verses speak directly of Christ, and
it contains the fullness of His gospel.
It stands with The Holy Bible as an undeniable witness to me that Jesus
is the Christ, the Son of the Living God.
I know He lives! I rely daily on
His Grace and His atoning sacrifice. It
gives me comfort in my weaknesses and it assures me that if we stay faithful,
we will one day see His face, hear His voice, and live with Him forever.
Matt, because I know these things, and because of further
witness from the Holy Ghost from time to time, I also know that we are children
of God, that He answers our prayers, and that He has a work for us to do. I know that Heavenly Father and His Son,
Jesus Christ appeared to Joseph Smith and restored to him the gospel of Jesus
Christ from ancient times. I know that
we have a prophet and apostles with us on the earth to day who speak for
God. I know God's promises are true, His
commandments are just, and that if we stay faithful, you, your siblings, your
Dad and I can be together forever "to go no more out, but to dwell with
God eternally in the heavens."
Matt, I am very sorry for your sake, and for your siblings'
sake, that knowing all these truths hasn't made me perfect. I shutter to think where my mistakes and sins
would have taken us if not for the power of repentance through the atonement of
Jesus Christ, and His power to heal, to save, and to redeem. I know that staying faithful to Jesus Christ
and His holy word has made all the difference in our family.
"Yea, we see that
whosoever will may lay hold upon the word of God, which is quick and powerful,
which shall divide asunder all the cunning and the snares and the wiles of the
devil, and lead the man [or family] of Christ in a strait and narrow course
across that everlasting gulf of misery which is prepared to engulf the
wicked" --Helaman
3:29
I hope that somewhat answers your question, Matt. As to how my testimony has grown into what it
is today, I refer you to Alma 32, which
likens the word of God to a seed that, if it is planted by faith and nourished
by patience and diligence, springs up into a tree of everlasting life. Now I need to remain faithful, diligent, and
patient till the end of my days.
"And now, my beloved brethren, after ye have gotten into
this strait and narrow path, I would ask if all is done? Behold, I say unto
you, Nay; for ye have not come thus far save it were by the word of Christ with
unshaken faith in him, relying wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to
save.
Wherefore, ye must
press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of
hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward,
feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the
Father: Ye shall have eternal life." --2 Ne.
31:19-20.
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